Its been a long time.

Wow, this really has been a long time.
i guess i just lose interest and then forget to ever come back.
Well, alot has happened since i last blogged.

I am living back with my dad, sleeping behind the sofa in the lounge. it really is not the nicest place, but its a roof over my head.

I am yard manager at the yard and doing an NVQ3 in Management (its the most boring course ive done so far!)

I will be needing to get off my arse and start looking for jobs soon as my contract ends in december, such a bad time for me to be jobless when its christmas, new years and im meant to be going skiing from 2nd-9th January. I dont know how the hell im going to do it.

My mental health has been here, there and everywhere.
Things have improved in some ways but gotten worse in others. I suffer more frequent and longer periods of depression where i become suicidal and impulsive. Sometimes resorting back to self harm, although never as severe as it used to be. I tend to get out of control with my drinking too, like last night. i am suffering today.

Then there is food and eating, its so erratic and i worry about it day and night. this is one thing i still cant tackle. My weight is dropping and shooting back up again in no time and im finding i have more and more problems with my physical health. Im starting to sort the physical issues, im having tests to find out why im having such bad joint pain at the moment and my next appointment is monday.

For now im just going to recover from my heavy night last night and then i have alot of things to sort out as im off on holiday to sunny Florida in 9 days time. I cannot wait to get there and relax, i have worked hard for it!

I will try my hardest to update this regularly from now on, but dont count on it.