Clawing my way out of the downward spiral

So im home from a brilliant time at my mums, i didnt want to come home.
I spent all my days with her, we went shopping and i actually bought a dress!
*shock horror*
she bought me some new jewellery and i got a new tattoo. Its a little sunflower with a couple of tribal swirls near my ankle, in memory of my nan.
I walked my dogs and played with them in the garden and just generally had fun. I really didnt want to come home and for the first couple of days i was really tearful.

Then, my friends encouraged me to have a party on saturday night. ALOT of alcohol was consumed and then i had a relapse when the guys went to bed.
I binged on the last of the food and purged...and collapsed in the bathroom where i woke up in the morning. Classy.

I spent yesterday extremely hungover but once again binging.
Today, the photos have been posted and i look AWFUL.
Today i have been depressed and tearful, i have relapsed with the laxative and pro plus abuse, barely eaten anything and im just struggling alot.

im back at the yard tomorrow so i hope it will make me feel a little better. i hate this feeling, being so out of control and miserable and not knowing what the hell to do.

my therapist is still trying to find out how far up the waiting list i am for the ED team...
i need help soon. i really do. Maybe im not underweight but bulimia is just as damaging as anorexia. I miss being underweight though, i felt better in myself even though it wasnt enough, i wanted to be thinner...now i feel like im a failure. a huge failure.

Eating Disorders are so dangerous, i never thought it would get this bad. Never thought it would get so out of control.