Good Day? Bad Day?

It depends on how you look at it.
On the one hand, i have finally gotten around to tidying my pig-sty of a room. It was truly awful and i had been putting it off. my low mood did not help. instead of doing all the things i was meant to do, like coursework, i stayed in bed and did nothing but smoke and drink copious amounts of pepsi max. (except when i was at the yard but even then i didnt do a great deal)
So i cleaned and organised my room and now it looks great.

The bad part of my day:

I woke up feeling pretty rubbish, i didnt have a great night sleep as i was worrying about my mum. She left for Cuba yesterday and had alsorts of problems with delays and stuff. Also, im already missing her, even though i dont see her that often, i speak to her almost everyday and now i have to wait two weeks until i speak to her again.
But, i felt really low and was craving a binge.
So, i got up, showered and walked to morrisons where i bought a load of shit and more diet coke. I hate doing this as i dont have the money to keep doing it but i still do it.
I then went to my dads instead of coming home as i knew i could binge and purge without being heard. I munched my way through 10 morrisons doughnuts and 4 crunch corner yogurts and had an awful lot of diet coke...as you can imagine, it was quite fucking disgusting.

So that put the downer on my day. I hate myself afterwards but it never stops me doing it. once its in my head, i have to do it. So out come the bloody laxatives and the pro plus and here comes a few days of pain to get the rest of the shit out if there is anything left after the purge.

When i read it back, it sounds, i dont know...not how i want to come across. (this isnt making sense i know) I want people to know, this is NOT ok. this is NOT the way to go to get 'skinny'. Because it certainly doesnt make you skinny and it certainly buggers your body up. I wish i had never gotten into this disorder but i cant just quit doing it and i need and want help. Its just a case of waiting for it.
And its a long, hard and frustrating wait.